he thought he was an angel

I recently started watching Mad Men and am about halfway through season 4. It's not quite what I expected. From what I knew of Don Draper secondhand through pop culture references, I saw in him a powerhouse of a man that ruled Madison Avenue. What I really got was a broken shell- the veneer of male dominance a thin curtain shielding the profoundly sad boy inside. Don Draper cheats on his wife because he doesn't know how to be happy with what he has. In the last episode I watched, titled "The Summer Man," Don Draper begins writing a journal in an attempt to address the chaos inside himself. He begins somewhat innocuously, "A list of things I'd like to do. One, climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Go anywhere in Africa, actually." The next line begins a more poignant stream of uncharacteristic introspection: "Two, gain a modicum of control over the way I feel. I want to wake up and I want to be that man." I haven't kept track, but that may be the first instance of his explicitly expressing genuine dissatisfaction with himself. Later in the episode he continues elegiacally:

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there, how he forgot where he was going, and that he woke up. If you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel and dreamt of being perfect. And then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had."

Don Draper is the perfect caricature of the American man. Unreasonably handsome, aggressive, and self-assured while also supremely discontent and unable to take responsibility for himself. There's little I can say about Don Draper that hasn't already been dissected by students of American media already, but it's been almost cathartic to see him get to this point. It's hyperbole, but I sometimes see parallels between the process in which Don Draper slowly comes to terms with his fundamental unhappiness, thereby allowing himself to pursue real happiness, and the process of entering adulthood and understanding the truths of my own flawed and broken nature. It's hackneyed and melodramatic, but it's there.

I'm late to the game, but I'd recommend Man Men to anyone that hasn't already seen it.